2021 BR3: Baltimore Road Regulation Rally

The Winners of the 2021 Baltimore Road Regulation Rally are…..

1st Place: Boner Hums Rally Team
2nd Place: Hot -4- Thierry Rally Team
3rd Place: Go Go Becker Rally Team

Spacial thanks to Zach Thornton for photographing the event. Check out his artwork at his website!

Final Results and Points Calculations

THANK YOU to all the teams who participated in this year’s BR3!

Baltimore Road Regulation Rally 2021

You are about to witness history and, more importantly, become part OF IT. November 20, 2021 marks the inaugural Baltimore Road Regulation Rally (BR3), and YOU are invited to participate.

What: BR3

Who: Your team: One Driver. One Co-Driver. One Car. One awesome rally. One winner!

When: November 20, 2021

Time: 3pm start

Where: The event will kick off at Rally HQ (3pm) with a pre-race ceremony. Then, lights-out will commence! Teams will finish the stage at Peabody Heights Brewery to celebrate at the podium finish (5pm), where the top-three drivers will be awarded trophies. “Superlatives” trophies will also be awarded!

The always enjoyable Rally Monza (Rally “Jitalia” in Rally HQ-speak) will be streaming in the comfort of our favorite local brewery from 5pm to 8pm. Possible party afterwards at Rally HQ.

BR3 Regulations and Run-of-Show (here’s how this is gonna work):

This event is for vaccinated folk only.

The Day’s Agenda

  • 3pm: Inaugural Opening Ceremony, team introductions, points/rules overview @ Rally HQ.
  • 3:30pm: Race Start
  • 5pm – 8pm: Race finish, points calculations, and podium celebration and trophy awards. Rally “Jitalia” viewing @ Peabody Heights Brewery
  • After 8pm? Who knows!?!?! Party at Rally HQ?

The Stage Route: (click for link) Will we actually check to see if you followed the route exactly? Probably not. Do the best you can. Click the link or the image below for precise turning-points. And write this down – these will be your pacenotes!

Our compliments to the stage designer, Ron CartaXXXo.

Teams will arrive to Rally HQ promptly by 3pm (or earlier. We don’t take kindly to the tardy), Saturday November 20. Following team introductions and the opening ceremony, each team will be released in 2-minute intervals from the starting line.

Once released, teams must reach the following waypoints in order:

  • 1. Griffith’s Tavern, Hampden (if it happens to be closed, Zissimos is the backup location).
  • 2. 29th Street Tavern, Remington
  • 3. Charles Village Pub, Charles Village
  • 4. Peabody Heights Brewery (podium celebration)

Note, You’ll notice that Google Maps lists Maggie’s (the weed store) as a stop. IT IS NOT. I just had to use that place to make sure the mobile and desktop versions follow the same route. But if you’re gonna get high, Maggie’s is a good place to get your fix.


  • 1st Place: 25 points
  • 2nd Place: 18 points
  • 3rd Place: 15 points
  • 4th Place: 12 points
  • 5th Place: 10 points
  • 6th Place: 8 points
  • 7th Place: 6 points
  • 8th place: 4 points
  • 9th place: 2 points
  • 10th place: 1 point

The Opt-in Power Stage

Teams are encouraged to stop at each of these Rally HQ-favorite establishments to have a delicious beer or two (but make it quick – you’re on the clock!). Additional Power Stage points (+10) will be awarded to make up for the lost time. We aren’t in the business of penalizing a mighty thirst. Alcohol for co-drivers only.

Stopping at these locations for a quick co-driver drink is not required, but highly encouraged. How many drinks are permitted for the co-driver? What do I look like, your team boss? Run your own team.

NO DRIVERS ARE PERMITTED a B.A.C. (Blood Alcohol Content). Remember… this is REGULATION rally, not a Hopkins frat party – we’d look like total pieces of shit if we sanctioned such a thing… We’ve got more dignity than that.

For those not feeling the thirst (or just completely uninterested), your sober-as-a-bone team may proceed through the checkpoints – no stops necessary. Otherwise, purchasing food (or, in the case of Griffith’s Tavern, nail clippers) will also be acceptable… Yes, Griffith’s sells nail clippers.

*Note: by opting-in to the powerstage, you agree to stop at all three locations.

Power Stage points rundown:

  • +10 points for opting into the “power stage”

An additional 2 points will be awarded for every beer consumed at each location, and an additional 1 point for non-alcoholic drinks for drivers.

Other digestibles (food) will also be acceptable for 2 points. For example, if you can house a pound of jalapeno/cheese nachos quickly, you are more than welcome to do that. Please keep track of your total drinks and food so we can tally them up for points! You are encouraged to spend money at Rally HQ’s favorite spots!

So, yes, just like in F1, you can buy your way to victory. No shame in that.

Extra Points!

  • 4 points: Dumb outfit? Car decorations?
  • 3 points: Best Pace-Notes
  • 3 points: Slowest Lap
  • 2 points: At any time during the opening ceremony, the first team to start a boisterous sing-along of Auld Lang Syne will be awarded a very generous (and well-deserved) 2 points.
  • 2 points: “Crowd-sourced” point (to be determined day-of… by you!)
  • 2 points: Buy nail clippers or something weird from the wall at Griffith’s Tavern.
  • 2 points: If you kindly, out of the goodness of your heart, buy someone else a beer. A rando? Another co-driver? Your call. *** NOTE*** if another team buys your team a drink, your co-driver is OBLIGATED to drink it. They’ll get the points. YOU won’t.
  • 1 point: If you yell “I love Rally HQ!” at any point during the opening ceremony. 1 point per team.
  • 1 point: for every high-five you give to a random person at the three designated drinking establishments (keep track of these).

Day-of amendments to points will be accepted by democratic vote.

Confused yet? Don’t be – Rally Control will be tracking points. You just focus on getting to your destinations. Just keep track of your total drinks and/or food. We will take care of the rest. Your stage will officially be considered complete once you ‘sign-in’ at Peabody Heights Brewery.

What do I need to prepare for the race?

Good question. Almost nothing. Just make sure your team prepares pace-notes for race day – remember, NO GPS allowed. Are we Big-Brothering you to make sure you are in compliance? Most definitely not. I ain’t got time for that shit.


Your team will be disqualified if:

  • You’re a dirty cheater.
  • If you lie. This is an honors system. If you had 3 beers, be honest and keep it that way. We don’t take kindly to swindlers grifting for cheap points. LYING IS NOT IN THE SPIRIT OF RALLY!
  • You don’t follow the route.
  • You use a cell phone (no Google maps. No GPS bullshit.) Only pre-written pace-notes permitted – this is rally, gotdammit.
  • You don’t follow ALL road regulations. We, as Highway Enthusiasts and Arbiters of the Four Pillars of Roadway Excellence, WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT SHIT. Follow the rules of the road, you coward.
  • Drivers with a B.A.C. will not be welcomed. Safely save it for the brewery afterwards. No drinking and driving.
  • Co-Drivers WITH a B.A.C. will be welcomed and highly encouraged. Enjoy your designated driver.


Meet the Teams!

May the best team win!

With Love,

Rally HQ founder and loyal Highway Enthusiast, Local Mann.

Questions? Call me or contact Mann@RallyHQ.cool!